


Save Me From Myself

by moaningashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Boyfriends, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Muke - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sleepy Cuddles, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:09:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moaningashton/pseuds/moaningashton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke has severe depression and constantly finds himself wanting to die, self harm and cry. His boyfriend Michael is the only one there for him. Will Michael's love and patience be enough to save Luke?</p>
<p>or...</p>
<p>Michael finds Luke crying in the bathroom and comforts him until he feels better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Save Me From Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy.... The tittle is inspired from Drown by Bring Me The Horizon. ;)

“ _ **Anxiety is wanting to ask your partner a million questions as to why they’re with you and why they care about you. Depression is not thinking you’re worth enough to even ask those questions, let alone be with them. Having both if the definition of hell**_.” –Unknown.

 

 

 

Luke stared into the bathroom mirror adamantly, his jaw clenching tightly, trying to hold back the tears that he knew were ultimately inevitable. His cold blue eyes darted rapidly over all of his features; the things he viewed as nothing more than unwanted imperfections. Seconds later, his eyes dropped back down to the white sink, he then closed them to try to focus on the many thoughts that were coursing through his mind. He couldn’t stand to look at himself any longer.

 

 

Things had been very tough for him lately and he wasn’t quite sure how he was going to get through them without having a full blown mental breakdown. He tried so hard to put on a fake smile for himself, his friends, family and most importantly… Michael. The one person who even bothered with him anymore.

 

However, today it just wasn’t working like normal. _How do you stop hating yourself?_ Luke wondered that on a daily basis.

 

It was true…He hated every inch of who he was.

 

_I’m too tall. I’m too thin. I’m annoying. My shoulders are too wide. My smile isn’t perfect. I bother everyone with my presence. My acne is disgusting. I can’t sing or play guitar properly. I’d just be better off dead._

 

These thoughts were always swirling in the back of his clouded mind. Today they just happened to push him over the edge.

 

Luke slowly slid down onto the bathroom floor, his back resting up against the cold bathroom wall. His knees were up and his head was buried between his arms so he could muffle the sound of his crying; it wasn’t working very well though. Anyone could have heard him if they were listening. He sat like this for quite some time before he heard a soft knock on the door. It could only be one person…. Michael Gordon Clifford, his boyfriend, best friend and bandmate returning home to their apartment from wherever he left off to early that morning.

 

“Go away please.” Luke managed to choke out in-between his sobs. Michael didn’t need to be brought into anymore of Luke’s problems, it wasn’t fair. But Luke knew better than to ever think Michael would go away just like that. Whenever he found Luke like this, he never just let him cry and wallow in his misery, he always made sure to look after him.

 

The door handle started to turn and Michael slowly walked in, a sharp look of concern swept across his face as he stared at Luke’s body against the wall. It hurt Mikey deeply to see the love of his life loathing in self-hatred and depression. Why couldn’t the boy who he loved so much see all the great things about him? Often times, Michael wished he was the one hurting instead of Luke. Michael understood Luke’s pain though. Having the eyes of the whole world always looking at you expecting perfection was extremely rough, especially for someone of Luke’s age.

 

“Baby?” Michael asked in a soft voice as he sat down next to Luke on the floor. Luke didn’t bother to look up, he was too embarrassed to face Mikey. Michael was always comforting him and even though he’d seen Luke cry a billion times, Luke still shied away from letting him see him in a vulnerable state like this.

 

When he didn’t answer back, Michael put his arm around Luke then started to tenderly rub his back. Minutes passed by, and Luke’s crying slowed. Somehow Michael always made Luke feel loads better, even if it was just by touching him in a kind manner. Luke finally picked his head up to peer at the older boy next to him, trying to detect what he was thinking and if he was mad at Luke or not.

 

“Mikey…..Why…” He stopped, took a deep breath and continued on.

 

_Please don’t start crying again, please don’t start crying again, please don’t start crying again._ Luke thought over and over again.

 

“Why do you put up with me? I’m a fucking pathetic loser.” Luke choked out with a heartbreaking tone to his voice. Michael stared at Luke with his green eyes and swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat before answering.

 

“Lucas Robert, you know damn well if I had to name all the things I adore about you, we would be here for hours on end. Maybe even days. I….I put up with you because I’m in love with you. When will you realize that there’s nothing you could do to ever lose me? Ever. ” Michael said soothingly back to the blond boy as he planted a soft kiss on his head.

 

Michael then stood up and grabbed Luke by the hand and helped him get up from the floor.

 

“Come on. Let’s go lay in our bed and talk about this some more, okay? I want you to be somewhere comfortable. Not on the gross bathroom floor.” Michael urged.

 

 

Luke didn’t fight him on this, knowing it wasn’t the time nor place to try and pick a fight with his boyfriend who just wanted to help him the best he could.

 

 

They reached their bedroom seconds later and Michael laid down on his side of their King Sized bed, motioning for Luke to join him and rest his head on Mikey’s firm chest. Luke did as Mikey said, and upon laying down he realized his boyfriend was right. He did feel much comfortable here rather than the uninviting bathroom tile. Michael pulled Luke closer into him, try to make sure Luke felt as safe as can be in his arms. He once again started to rub Luke’s back knowing just how much it helped.

 

 

Silence consumed the entirety of the room for quite some time before Michael finally broke it.

 

 

“Luke…. I need to say a few things and I don’t want you to respond until I’m done, do you understand?” Luke nodded and Michael began to speak.

 

“From the second I laid my eyes on you Luke, I knew you were going to shape the rest of my life. I just… I had this gut feeling that there was something about you that I wasn’t going to be able to resist and boy was I fucking right. You have no clue how much you mean to me and it absolutely kills me….” Michael paused, choking a bit on his words.

 

Luke squirmed against him sensing the emotion in Mikey’s voice. He didn’t want Mikey to get upset over him.

 

“It kills me that you hate who you are. I look at you and see pure perfection from head to toe, inside and out…but when you look at yourself you see nothing but flaws. ” Michael then gently grabbed Luke’s face and tilted it up towards his. His eyes met Luke’s and for once, Luke didn’t pull away from the intimate moment like he usually did.

 

“Luke, I promise you that I’m going to make you love yourself. I don’t care if it takes me the rest of my life, I’m going to prove to you that you are worth it. That you deserve love, kindness and compassion. I’m not going to let depression take the only person I love.” A single tear rolled down from the older boy’s beautiful, green eyes. Michael was really serious. Luke thought.

 

Then suddenly, their lips collided together like it was the first time they were ever touching one another. It was painfully passionate and raw, they both could feel the intense emotion that was coursing through their bodies. Every second their lips were connected felt like a second in Heaven. The heated make out session continued for a few minutes before Luke broke away from the kiss, trying to catch his breath.

 

“Mikey, I’m… I’m so sorry that I always put you through this.” Luke looked down, ashamed of his constant behavior. He didn’t understand how Michael was always patient with him.

 

“Baby boy, it is okay I swear. I love you and I would go through hell and back for you. Don’t ever be afraid to come to me about this stuff.”

Luke immediately calmed down once again upon hearing those words. Luke smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks and nuzzled his face into his boyfriend’s chest. He felt safe, secure and most importantly loved. And that was how he drifted off into a deep sleep that he so desperately needed.

 

Things were back to normal for now… But how long would they last before Luke’s self-hatred came crawling back to the surface once again? Michael wanted nothing more than to take away all of Luke’s pain no matter what it took…. These were Michael’s last thoughts before he too, drifted off into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! :)
> 
> This is the longest fan fiction I've ever written so bare with me if it's horrible. I'm not sure if I wanna do a part two or not, but anyway... I hope you like it. Comment if you wanna see another part. :)
> 
> P.S... If I do a part 2, it WILL have smut in it. I have a few ideas brewing.   
> -Shayna.
> 
> Twitter: @moaningashton


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